Humor is defined by Webster's Dictionary as:

The quality of being amusing or comical.
The ability to perceive, enjoy, or express what is comical or funny.
A state of mind; a mood, or a sudden unexpected whim.

This article is an attempt to bravely try to cover all of those bases! You know, these days, if you just look and listen to the world around you, humor is all around us.

For example: Current Events....Is our President turning into a total, complete idiot or what? I mean, I personally have nothing against Bill Clinton, but has the man no self-control at all? The most ironic thing, to me, about the whole situation is that his popularity ratings with the American people are the highest they have been since he entered the Oval Office.

Another Fine Example: El Nino.. I think if I hear that word one more time I'm going to go Postal!! Apparently, everything bad happening in the world in 1998 is caused by El Nino... I am beginning to wonder if ol' El Nino isn't just a truly bad joke itself! Hmm.

This month I chose to focus on the humor of the hilarious Fran E. Fine...aka "The Nanny". If you have never seen this show, you should... you're missing out! These are some selected excerpts from episodic scripts, from a great book entitled"The Wit and Wisdom Of the Nanny", collected by Fran E. Fine.

"Men can't be rushed - they're like chicken. You cook them too fast, they get tough. Whereas, you take your time, let them simmer a while, and they fall apart in your hands."

"I've always said that men and women should be treated equally, except that men should still open doors and pick up the check."

"At the grocery store, everything you need to know about a man is right there in his cart. If there's Midol, keep on moving. Corn Pads mean he is still living with his mom. I learned that the hard way. Also, two men with sweaters tied around their necks, buying Pesto - save yourself the pain."

"Worried about old age? Not me. Personally, I plan to be a platinum blond prune in Miami, yanking up my tube top, and doin' the Cha -Cha with the Cuban Houseboy."

Now that's a lady with a sense of humor.

"OJ Collection"

A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in L.A. He's stopped in traffic and thinks, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual; we're not even moving."

He notices a police officer walking down the highway in between the cars, so he rolls down his window and says, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold-up?"

"O.J. just found out the verdict, and he's all depressed. He's lying down in the middle of the highway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and light himself on fire. He just doesn't have $8.5 million for the Goldmans. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."

The man says, "Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"

The Officer replies, "So far, ten gallons."

"The Talking Parrot"
Author Unknown

A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all, and he's lonesome, so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help. The store he happened into specialized in parrots. As he wanders around the rows of parrots, he notices one with no feet.

Surprised, he murmurs, "I wonder how he hangs on to the perch?"

The parrot says, "With my penis, you dummy." The guy is startled and says, "You certainly talk well for a parrot." The parrot says, "Of course, I'm a very well- educated parrot. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish." The guy says, "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."

The parrot says, "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots. If you offer the proprietor $20.00 for me, I'll bet he'll sell me." The guy buys the parrot, and for 3 months , things go great. When he comes home from work, the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the A's won, the Giants lost, the Pope said this, and so and so.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot waves a wing at him and says," Come in and shut the door." The guy says, "What's up?" The parrot says, " I don't know how to tell you this, but the mailman came today. Your wife answered the door in her negligee and he kissed her right on the lips." The guy says, "Oh, a momentary flight of passion." The parrot says, "Well, maybe, but then he fondled her breasts." The guy says, "He did?" The parrot says, "Yes. Then he pulled down her negligee and started doing some other things." The guy says, "My God, what happened next?"

The parrot says, " I don't know, I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"